Have you ever felt that your own inner critic is the very force holding you back?

I know I have.

About three weeks ago, after an inspiring session with a client, I decided to write about self-sabotage and the Gestalt Paradoxical Theory of Change. I had a clear idea of what I wanted to say—but every time I sat down to write, I found countless excuses not to.

"Nobody will read it" I thought.

"What will people think of a therapist who shares her own moments of self-sabotage?"

That inner dialogue kept me stuck, staring at a blank page and weighing the "shoulds" and "shouldn’ts" of being the perfect psychotherapist.

Understanding Self-Sabotage

This experience is a perfect example of self-sabotage in action.

You know what you want, yet something holds you back—the voice whispering

"It's not worth it; nothing will change."

We cling to the familiar, even when it prevents growth.

By giving in to that voice, we lower our expectations to cope with discomfort and remain in a state of inertia. Sometimes, trying too hard to fix ourselves only deepens the fissures within.

Gestalt’s Paradoxical Theory of Change Explained

In Beisser’s words, "change occurs when one becomes what he is, not when he tries to become what he is not."

I realized that in my quest to be the eloquent, creative therapist I thought I should be, I was rejecting my true self. This weekend, I accepted that I had been forcing myself to be "on demand" rather than allowing my own process of self-sabotage to unfold naturally.

By embracing my initial inability to write the perfect post, I was finally able to share my thoughts in all their imperfect—and ultimately perfect—form.

I recall a session with a client frustrated by his own self-criticism. He couldn’t stop rewriting an assignment, tormented by a voice that told him he was never good enough. As we explored this inner dialogue, we discovered that this voice, once a source of motivation during his school years, had become a barrier to his growth.

I invited him to thank that part of himself for its past support and then to consider whether it still served him. When he chose to let it go, he experienced a breakthrough—a testament to the power of embracing imperfection.

My client’s old patterns, once helpful, had become obstacles. His perfectionism, which had once driven success, now kept him trapped in negative self-talk. By unpacking these feelings in session, we created space for acceptance and transformation. When he stopped trying to "fix" himself, he opened the door to unexpected growth.

Steps for Embracing Change
The therapy room can be a safe space to observe self-sabotaging thoughts without judgment—just as Gestalt therapy focuses on the “here and now.”

Next time you find yourself caught in a familiar pattern, pause and listen to your inner critic. What is it really saying about your needs?

Imagine you’re listening to a friend—would you empathise or dismiss them? Remember, you’ve been doing your best, and it’s okay not to have all the answers. Therapy can be that “safe emergency”, where you’re supported by a compassionate ally, your therapist.

Reflections and the Road Ahead

Embracing curiosity about your self-sabotage can bring awareness and acceptance. Reflecting on my own procrastination to write this post helped me understand that change isn’t about forcing perfection—it’s about having the courage to simply be.

True transformation flows naturally, like water around a tree.

May you find beauty in your journey, even in the cracks, as you allow change to unfold naturally.