In my thirties, a series of unexpected events led me to move to Japan for a while—without any clear idea of how long I would be away. Little did I know that this spontaneous decision would so profoundly change the course of my life.
Over the years, I have often heard clients describe themselves as “broken.” This always remind me of one of the first Japanese concepts I encountered during my time in Japan: kintsugi. This beautiful art form repairs broken pottery with gold, celebrating the history and uniqueness of each crack rather than hiding it. Similarly, Gestalt therapy recognises that we are whole beings, even when we feel fragmented. Sometimes, the different parts of our lives seem disjointed, but it is in the gentle, honest therapeutic work of exploring these parts together that healing begins—transforming scars into wholeness through dialogue, presence, and acceptance, moving from scars to wholeness in a journey of healing, dialogue and presence.
By staying with what is present in the room moment to moment, exploring it with curiosity and openness transformation and integration happens. Just like in kintsugi, by repairing the cracks with gold, to make it more visible, the broken object is transformed into something new and more valuable. embracing our imperfections can reveal a deeper, more authentic self. In the same way, by staying with uncomfortable feelings and embracing the imperfections with compassion, we create space for acceptance and personal growth.
Kintsugi honours the uniqueness of every object, much as Gestalt Therapy moves beyond the assumptions that everybody experiences happiness, sadness or grief in the same way, Gestalt values each person’s individual experience. Thus, I always ask my clients: “how you experience happiness?” or “what does sadness or grief look like for you?”. Because no one knows your experience better than you, exploring these questions together can lead to a richer understanding of your identity—allowing you to shed old layers that no longer serve you.
When you view your cracks as part of a transformative journey, you begin to see that brokenness isn’t a sign of failure or weakness but an opportunity for growth and resilience.
I recall one client who found it very confronting when asked what they truly wanted—whether in therapy or even while making a supermarket list! Through storytelling, we discovered that early in life they had learnt that expressing their desires might lead to shame and was not welcome. By using imagery, they began to design safe spaces for themselves—spaces where they could decide who to invite in.
Gradually, as we explored these safe spaces together in a judgement-free environment, they discovered new ways of being and began to stand in their own power and leave the habitual responses. After a few months, I still remembered I was moved to tears when they booked their first appointment at the hairdressers – a small yet significant step towards their self-care.
In another instance, a client and I worked through the relentless voice of their inner critic – a voice that had fragmented their sense of self and left them feeling isolated. Together, we examined the harsh messages this inner critic would deliver. I invited him to write supportive notes – words that loved ones may say - on a stack of post it notes. They tucked these little reminders away in a coat pocket, a book, a drawer, even their wallet.
They were working on a project one evening and feeling overwhelmed, they went for a walk and discovered a note in their pocket that simply said: “I got you!”. As they recounted this moment with a smile, I asked, “who had you?”. Their gently reply was: “I think I had myself”.
These examples illustrate that by staying with even the most challenging feelings—observing them with curiosity rather than rushing to fix or understand them—we can transform our experience. Just like in kintsugi, where gold is applied over a crack to make an object stronger and more beautiful, approaching our feelings without judgement nurtures resilience and gently dissolves old unhelpful patterns, we resort to in times of fear and uncertainty. It is often ironic that even when we know these patterns no longer serve us, our fearful ego may urge us to cling to the familiar. Yet, by choosing new path, we open ourselves to growth in ways we never imagined.
Like kintsugi, gestalt therapy reminds us that throwing the vase rather than repairing it, may seem easier at first. We may fear the unknown of how our broken pieces will look like once reassembled together. However, clinging to old habits of “convenience” as a quick fix, often leaves us frustrated and unfulfilled. The true magic happens when we dare to repair and reassemble our lives – transforming the very cracks that once caused pain into lines of beautiful gold.
My invitation to you dear reader is to embark on this journey of therapy. Allow yourself to explore what your broken pieces might become through play, open dialogue and genuine connection with someone who listens without judgement and stays with you every step of the way. Let’s work together to transform those fragile cracks into something uniquely beautiful.